AND WHAT HAPPENS IF I don’t want to ? ardyn wonders what use it would be to retrace his steps , undo them in a foolish attempt to recover what was lost . it would be torture , akin to traversing a thorn - strewn field , forsaking the will to live and gifting it to the undeserving . what happens if I don’t want to come come ? there is no home waiting for him , not even ANGELGARD , because what he has already known is lost to time , transformed into something he doesn’t recognize . it still reeks of treason , of rejection( and by the gods , it’s agony . it doesn’t rival what already lives in his bones , but it comes close to . )
WHY WOULD I RETURN TO you ? once , he would have been willing to . once , aera was HOME , and her arms around him were the warmth of summer seeping into him . once , ardyn thought he would never have to look skyward anymore in order to see the radiance of the sun . now he thinks of aera and it’s poison in his mind , ash on his tongue , anger in his heart . it’d be easy to rip it out of his chest for her MEMORY to rend it asunder ; it wouldn’t kill him , but it would make living an easier burden .
ARDYN CLOSES HIS EYES , FEELS a gentle hand rest flat against his back . think of me .come home .the memory’s there again . in a flash , ardyn’s hand holds his dagger ; he turns , drives it deep into aera’s middle , watches her expression contort in agony . she doesn’t bleed , but ardyn’s hands are warm with blood . she doesn’t scream , but an unholy screech rings in his ears , a thousand voices into one . did you think of me when you thought to betray me ? aera reaches up , drives a hand into his chest . for a moment , pain , then agony and realization and DREAD . ( why ? better to die at her hand than at the chosen king’s . remember , you’ve already been her victim once . )
THEY SCREAM AT EACH OTHER , and the dream ends .
ARDYN WAKES WITH A START , looks down to find his chest intact and his hand empty .
Why did it matter to him what became of Ravka ? BROKEN , NEEDY , FRUSTRATING RAVKA . The grand lady. The crying child. The drowning man who would drag you under rather than be saved. This country that took so much and gave NOTHING back. Maybe because he knew that he and his country were the same. { PERSONAL / NON-RP BLOGS: PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG }
I have not abandoned you. Whatever you cling onto, it is not weakness or grief, or the residue of hidden sorrows long forgotten. You have had strength within you since the moment you felt the cold shape of steel in your hands. How lucky and blessed you are, warrior ! A lion’s heart, a king’s spirit, they all dwell within you.
“i fell in love with you, smartass, because you were one of us.”
“when you spend so long trapped in the darkness, you find the darkness begins to stare back.”
“there are good days and hard days for me—even now. don’t let the hard days win.”
“if you were going to die, i was going to die with you.”
“you’re a real bastard, you know that?”
“there are different kinds of darkness. there is the darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. there is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. it becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. it is not wholly bad or good.”
“i’m thinking… i’m thinking i was a lonely, helpless person, and i might have fallen in love with the first thing to show me a hint of kindness and safety.”
“i am broken, and healing, but every piece of my heart belongs to you.”
“i would have torn apart the world to get you back.”
“i’m thinking that i look at you and feel like i’m dying. like i can’t breathe. i’m thinking that i want you so badly i can’t concentrate half the time i’m around you, and this room is too small for me to properly bed you.”
“i hope they all burn in hell.”
“the issue isn’t whether they loved you, it’s how much. too much. love can be a poison.”
“many atrocities have been done in the name of the greater good.”
“did you enjoy the sight of me kneeling before you?”
“you gave up on me. you were my friend.”
“life is better when you’re around. and look how lovely your handwriting is.”
“i know you—more than you realize, i think—and i don’t believe for one damn minute that you’re remotely fine with being a pretty trophy for someone who sat on their ass for nearly fifty years, then sat on their ass while you were shredded apart—”
“come on. we don’t bite. unless you ask us to.”
“but i couldn’t… i couldn’t stop being around you, and loving you, and wanting you. i still can’t stay away.”
“i’d much rather you licked my wounds for me.”
“you decide your fate—your choices. not me.”
“i’m surprised there aren’t more mirrors in this house, since you seem to love looking at yourself so much.”
“i heard you begging for someone, anyone, to get you out. i heard you say no.”
“i will kill anyone who harms you. i will kill them, and take a damn long time doing it. go ahead. hate me—despise me for it.”
❝ it doesn’t matter that they won’t remember me. what matters is i helped. ❞
❝ bad things should happen to bad people. ❞
❝ i’m here to set things right. also ? to look dashing. that part’s less difficult. ❞
❝ planning has never been my strong suit . now, killing…killing & love-making. those i am better at. ❞
❝ oh ! we could get matching outfits ! ❞
❝ i’m not saying i should be your first pick for a dance partner at the ball , but in the deep roads , i’m your man / woman. ❞
❝ draw your weapon & say that again ! ❞
❝ we’re here to kill them all, yes ? for sport ? ❞ ❝ you tend to get up to interesting things. you meet interesting people & then you kill them. ❞ ❝ i never worry, darling. a leash can be pulled from either end. ❞ ❝ it’s like you need permission to be alive. ❞ ❝ has anyone told you what marvelous eyes you possess, my dear ? ❞ ❝ have you ever licked a lamp post in winter ? ❞ ❝ i’ll try not to hit anyone. ❞
❝ there you are. everyone’s been looking for you. ❞ ❝ the last man standing gets final say on who is right or wrong. ❞ ❝ i like my hair the way it is, thank you. ❞ ❝ do you think about how to kill everyone you meet ? ❞ ❝ are you… sassing me, ____? ❞ ❝ yes, but she/you seems more… “ooh, pretty colors !” than “muahaha ! i am princess stabbity ! stab, kill, kill ! ❞ ❝ congratulations ! you have found a wastebin . ❞
❝ what are you going to do with that sword ? ❞ ❝ not listening ! la la-la la la ! ❞ ❝ i saw you looking at the girl/boy in town earlier . ❞ ❝ anyone wishing to accuse me of weakness is welcome to try. ❞ ❝ …did you cut your own hair ? ❞ ❝ ”one by one they follow, drowning in the sea”. the rest of the poem is sad.. ❞ ❝ you aren’t all stone, ____. there is a person inside of you. ❞
❝ we crush the heads of rude women when we feel like it. just so you know. ❞ ❝ protect what matters with everything you have, or you’ll have nothing, and deserve it. ❞ ❝ i want you to know that what we had was real. ❞ ❝ in the end you are always alone with your actions. ❞ ❝ somebody’s been drinking. ❞ ❝ let’s show them our hearts, and then show them theirs.. ❞ ❝ do you feel that ? my magic-sensing nose is tingling. ❞
❝ well, shit. ❞
❝ you worry me, you know that ? ❞
❝ i’m cold. & it’s indoors. this is so wrong. ❞
❝ i saw what you were doing back there. ❞
❝ we will never speak of this again. ❞
❝ you’re a big softie ! ❞
❝ i’ve got just the thing to cure that pout. ❞
❝ eight, nine, now you die. ❞
❝ daughters never grow up. they remain six years old with pigtails & skinned knees forever. ❞ ❝ i don’t need my pants, anyway. ❞ ❝ smiles. we must be careful how we present ourselves. ❞ ❝ be careful what you wish for. power is treacherous. i have seen many people–great leaders–consumed by it. ❞ ❝ don’t touch me ! stay away ! ❞ ❝ i think of him/you/her as much as he/you/she thinks at all. ❞ ❝ i knew nothing of friendship before we met. ❞
❝ you can approve or not approve as you wish, but this is one thing you cannot influence and mold to your liking. ❞ ❝ there you go, breaking my heart. ❞ ❝ does anyone else feel the verge to vomit? ❞ ❝ i…love you. just… wanted to tell you that. ❞ ❝ let those who would destroy us step into the light. ❞ ❝ it’s dangerous when too many men in the same armor think they’re right. ❞ ❝ if you love a character, you give them pain, ruin their lives, make them suffer. maybe even throw in a heroic death. ❞ ❝ i do quite like watching you leave. ❞
❝ send him a fruit basket. everyone loves those. ❞
❝ did i stutter ? ❞
❝ are you kidding ? i’m surprised you didn’t kill anyone just coming over here. ❞ ❝ the world may want my time, but you have my heart ❞ ❝ have you ever heard the saying ‘let sleeping abominations lie’? now would be the time to consider it. ❞
❝ that sounded much better in my head . ❞
❝ i have an excellent sense of dramatic timing. & good hair. ❞ ❝ the air hurts. i have to stop. ❞ ❝ challenge someone to arm-wrestle me. ❞ ❝ so, you’re not like a lot of other girls/boys. ❞
❝ not long ago this was impossible to imagine. you, the man i love, victory close at hand. ❞
❝ how do you do that ? make everything better with a smile ? ❞ ❝ it gets no easier. your struggles have only just begun. ❞ ❝ there comes a time when you must stop running, when you turn & face the tiger. ❞ ❝ it’s family, you protect. doesn’t matter who it is, blood or not. ❞ ❝ perhaps we should carve our names into the giant tree ? ❞ ❝ hey ! that’s mine ! ❞ ❝ our mistakes make us who we are. ❞ ❝ fear makes men more dangerous than magic ever could. ❞ ❝ don’t let anyone tell you when to move on. take their hand & say, “my choice". ❞
❝ words are easy, like the wind; faithful friends are hard to find. ❞
❝ shitballs. fuck. shit. crap. ❞
❝ living a lie … it festers inside you, like poison. ❞
